


rollin'

by kiholove



Series: misc. kiho fics [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 23:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10203398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiholove/pseuds/kiholove
Summary: My tightly-shut heart has fallen down because of you.





	

They've been cramped together in the van for several hours already — on their way to an early morning schedule far from the city — when their manager finally decides to pull over at a rest station. It's the middle of the goddamn night and the road has been looking the same for a while now, Kihyun staring out the window until even when he looks away he can still see stark white lines on smooth black pavement. 

He's squashed in the back seat with Changkyun and Hyungwon, both sleeping, warm weights at his side all bundled up in huge coats. The car is completely silent, the lights turned off, and for all intents and purposes, it's fairly cozy. Well, as cozy as a crowded van containing seven fully-grown boys and one very cranky manager can be. 

They've got a few more hours to go so they've all been drifting in and out of sleep, Kihyun the exception. He's been listening to the hum of the engine and hovering just on the edge of slumber, in that frustrating, aching place where one can't quite fall asleep but can't be considered totally awake either. It's not really surprising to Kihyun; he's had a lot of trouble falling asleep lately. 

He knows what Hoseok would say if he knew that Kihyun wasn't sleeping these past few weeks. He would suggest that Kihyun join him in the living room to work on some compositions, or maybe up on the dorm rooftop to admire the glittering city skyscrapers, that if neither of them could sleep (something that happened quite often), then they might as well go somewhere else, try to take their minds off of it. 

Then again, Hoseok might also suggest that Kihyun prepare a midnight snack, perhaps one just for him? After all, Hoseok would say, immersing himself in one of his favorite hobbies would definitely help to clear Kihyun's muddled mind. 

"And what could be more enjoyable than cooking for your favorite hyung?" Hoseok would say, smiling that dazzling smile of his and laughing as Kihyun would playfully hit him in the stomach. Kihyun grins a little at the scenario playing out in his head, and his chest suddenly feels a little swollen. 

He can only see the back of Hoseok's head from where he's sitting, but from his relaxed stillness, Kihyun can tell that he's managed to fall asleep. He's happy that Hoseok is able to rest, he deserves it with how hard he works and how much energy he gives each day. For Kihyun, there's just too much spinning around in his head. Well, it's really just one thing, _that_ one thing, and it's a constant burden on his shoulders, a thick haze that clouds all of his thoughts and leaves him unable to ever rest, ever _truly_ rest. 

Their manager pulls over to a slow, gentle stop and turns on the lights, unbuckling his seat belt and turning around to rouse everyone from their sleep. One by one each of the boys awakens and peels themselves out of their seats, unbuckling their own seat belts and groaning as they stretch sore limbs and blink their vision into focus. Minhyuk wipes some drool off of his face before scrambling to open the door, mumbling something about the bathroom. 

"Ten minutes," their manager says, grabbing his giant thermos to go get a refill of coffee as he leaves the van. The members all exit the vehicle after him and scatter, yawning and rubbing sleep from their eyes, Minhyuk making a beeline for the rest station's main building. 

Kihyun is the last one to get out, allowing everyone else out first so that he can walk by himself, get some fresh air and have some time to think while not also jammed into a tiny seat with two other boys. He stretches his arms high in the air, lets out a little moan as the feeling returns to his muscles, then heads toward the rest station, following along behind the others. 

It's an unassuming place, with one main building and a few smaller ones, a nice grassy area and some picnic tables scattered along the outside. Kihyun notices a few other travelers around, but it's mostly empty, and lit dimly by some incandescent street lights. Their steps echo in the empty, silent parking lot and because the roads are pretty deserted at this time of night, there's no sound coming from the highway either. 

Kihyun shivers, his breath coming out in puffs as he walks. It still gets a little chilly at night, even this close to springtime. He knows that if he hadn't insisted on walking behind and separate from everyone else, that if Hoseok had known that Kihyun was cold, he'd offer his coat in a heartbeat, drape it over Kihyun's shoulders like a warm embrace, giving up a piece of himself to Kihyun like he had done so many times before in so many different ways. 

They all make it inside and while the rest go for the bathrooms or the vending machines, Kihyun and their manager enter the little convenience store inside the main building. Kihyun has to squint as his eyes adjust to the too-bright artificial lighting, not to mention the vibrant, colorful packages of all of the junk food filling the aisles. 

Soft, wordless, elevator music plays in the background and the store is completely empty save for the cashier, a young, bored-looking woman. She's reading a magazine and popping bubble gum loudly, glancing at Kihyun as he walks in before going right back to her reading. With one look, Kihyun can tell that it's an entertainment magazine, filled with glossy pictures of well-known idols and actors. As Kihyun wanders the aisles and makes his way towards the refrigerated section, he wonders vaguely if a day will come when they'll be famous enough that they won't be able to just walk into a convenience store like this anymore. He smiles a little to himself, because that's the kind of thing that Hoseok always talks about. 

While their manager goes to the coffee station to refill his thermos, Kihyun ends up buying just a bottle of water, still only half-awake and only half-aware of what he's doing. He feels as if he's in some strange, alternate universe, buried deep in his own thoughts as he walks back to the checkout. On his way, he spots a shelf filled with what must be 800 types of instant ramen, and, yet again, he thinks of Hoseok. 

He really doesn't know how much more of this he can take, how much longer before he'll have to scream it out into the night sky. 

Kihyun pays for his water, smiles politely at the cashier, and leaves. On his way to the front door, he walks by Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Hyunwoo, who are all involved in some sort of heated conflict with a vending machine that won't accept their crumpled paper bills. Hyungwon is leaning up against the wall, looks like he might have fallen back asleep, while Changkyun has the group's iPad out, secretly filming the altercation happening before his eyes, probably for later blackmailing purposes. 

Kihyun walks back outside into the frigid air and looks up at the sky, having not paid much attention to it earlier. Without the light pollution that he's used to from living in the city, he can clearly see the big, gorgeous full moon and the bright, twinkling stars splashed against deep, midnight blue. He thinks he can even recognize some constellations that he had learned about when he was a kid. 

It's really a stunning sight, and as cliche as it sounds, it really does make Kihyun feel so, so small, like he's just one tiny, confused person swallowed up in the grandeur and the beauty of the universe, wrestling with emotions that he doesn't have the first clue how to deal with. As he continues to admire the stars, he unscrews the cap on his cheap, plastic water bottle and brings the bottle to his lips, his mind finally starting to clear as he takes a sip and the cool water trickles down his throat. 

He knows he has to deal with this, with what he's feeling, as soon as possible. Things will never go back to the way they were before. The only way to go is forward, if only he knew how. 

After a few minutes, he finishes his water and walks back towards the building and around the side in search of a recycling bin. He ends up going around to the back, where he just finds more parking lot. 

And Hoseok. 

Hoseok is there, leaning up against the wall and looking up dreamily at the sky just as Kihyun had been doing mere moments before. He's half-hidden in shadow and half-illuminated by moonlight and so, so beautiful. Ethereal, even, his face looking so soft and his skin practically glowing. 

Kihyun's heart starts to pound in his chest, because this has to be some sort of sign. 

Noticing Kihyun's presence, Hoseok turns to him and smiles gently. "Hey, Kihyunnie," he says, his voice sounding a little tired but full of affection nonetheless. "What brings you back here?" 

Kihyun has to tear his eyes away from Hoseok's plump, candy-pink lips to reply, "Just looking for the recycling bin." Hoseok gestures to the bin at his right, and moves a little bit out of the way as Kihyun walks over and tosses his bottle inside. Kihyun feels strangely nervous as he moves to lean up against the wall on Hoseok's other side. 

A few seconds of silence pass between them. It's not uncomfortable exactly, but there's some tension hanging there, tension that Kihyun's positive Hoseok can feel too. Kihyun tries to act casual, looks down at his hands and examines his fingernails, but lately it's getting harder and harder to act like everything's normal around Hoseok. He wonders if Hoseok can hear how fast and hard his heart is beating. To Kihyun, it's the only sound he can hear inside his head. 

A biting, cold wind passes through and Kihyun is unable to suppress his shiver as goosebumps break out all over his body. Hoseok, of course, notices. 

"Kihyunnie, are you cold?" he asks. Before Kihyun can reply, Hoseok's already removing his coat and wrapping it around Kihyun's shoulders. His face gets very close to Kihyun's as he leans down and gently maneuvers Kihyun's arms through the sleeves like a parent with a small child, and Kihyun is sure he can see Hoseok's breath hitch when he moves even closer to zip him up. He pulls the zipper closed all the way to the dip just below Kihyun's lips, their faces only inches apart now. 

Kihyun's own breath has stopped completely, along with his heart. He looks down, can't take the feeling of being under Hoseok's gaze anymore, and sticks his hands into the pockets of the coat, his face flushing a deep red. The coat is so soft and so warm, and it even smells like Hoseok. Kihyun feels like he'll never be cold again. 

When Hoseok steps back, Kihyun can see that he's now down to just a tight sweater that stretches tautly over his shoulders and his arms and his chest. The lines of his muscles and the rise of his nipples are completely visible through the fabric, and Kihyun gets a little dizzy at the sight, his mouth falling open. 

"Aren't you cold?" Kihyun asks quickly, trying his best to save face, his brain struggling to form a sentence. "You didn't have to do that." 

"I'll be okay," Hoseok says. And then there's more strange, tense silence. Hoseok looks down and kicks at some dirt with his sneakers. 

Kihyun's eyes flit to Hoseok's lips again and he thinks, as he's been doing more and more often, about what it would be like to kiss them, chastely, sweetly, passionately, desperately. He looks at Hoseok's strong arms and thinks about what it would be like to be held by them (held _up_ by them, _pinned down_ by them). And then, he looks into Hoseok's eyes, darting back up to meet Kihyun's, and thinks about them staring down at him while they both lie on a bed, filled with something profound and devoted, something that Kihyun swears he can see sometimes in Hoseok's gaze when he thinks that Kihyun's not looking. 

"Is everything alright, Kihyunnie?" Hoseok asks, his voice breaking through Kihyun's fantasies. His eyes are locked onto Kihyun's and his voice has gone so soft. "I couldn't help but notice, you've seemed a little troubled lately...especially..." 

He pauses to take a breath and looks down again, his eyebrows furrowing. "Especially around me," he finishes, his voice nearly a whisper now. The look on his face breaks Kihyun's heart. 

"Hoseok..." Kihyun starts, but his brain is short-circuiting and he doesn't know how to finish his thought. 

"I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" Hoseok asks, sounding a little panicked. "You'd tell me, wouldn't you? If things weren't...okay between us?" 

"Oh Hoseok, no..." Kihyun says. Before he can stop himself, he's reaching for Hoseok's hand, his body and his instincts moving faster than the rational part of his mind, which is screaming at him to stop. He takes Hoseok's hand between his own, rubs his thumbs over it gently and looks back up into Hoseok's eyes. He can see the understanding flash through them briefly, followed by the softest expression that Kihyun has ever seen on Hoseok's face.

Kihyun's not surprised. He's known for a while now, deep in his gut, that Hoseok shares his feelings, his burden, and that they've both just been dancing around each other, waiting for the other one to make a move, both of them thrilled and terrified at what could happen, where they could end up together. It feels like it's time.

"I..." Kihyun starts. He can't believe that this is happening now, _right now_ , in the back of a highway rest station in the middle of the night.

"Kihyun?" Hoseok asks, his eyes widening and soft color spreading over his face at Kihyun's touch. Kihyun takes a step closer to Hoseok and moves to rest his hands on Hoseok's firm chest. He can feel Hoseok's heart racing underneath his palm. As Kihyun moves even closer still, his hands sliding up to grip Hoseok's shoulders, Hoseok's eyes flutter, just a little bit. Kihyun is so close now, he could individually count each one of Hoseok's long, dark eyelashes. He looks almost...expectant, his hands dropping to rest on Kihyun's waist, his grip delicate. Kihyun feels like he might pass out, or cry, or maybe bolt. This is all happening so fast.

"Kihyun..." Hoseok repeats. Kihyun can see that he's holding his breath, his lips slightly parted. 

Hoseok looks so earnest, like he's just as ready as Kihyun is to take that leap of faith. It feels like they're sharing one mind, one heart, like they're the same soul held in two separate bodies. Kihyun suddenly feels that there's no reason to be scared, all of the fear gently flowing out of him like exhaling a deep breath. All he feels now is resolve, and the deepest swell of affection. 

Whatever happens, they'll get through it together, like they've gotten through everything together. From training together, to debuting together, to finding each other now under the street lights, always understanding each other without ever having to say it out loud. 

Hoseok's eyes fall shut as Kihyun starts to lean forward.

But of course, they're interrupted. The horn from their van beeps loudly, ripping through the stillness of their moment, ruining everything. Kihyun immediately steps back, withdrawing his hands and looking down at the ground. He can't help but laugh sadly; he feels like he could scream in frustration. Hoseok just looks winded and flustered, like all of the air was just pushed out of his lungs and all of the warmth sucked from his body.

"Ah," he murmurs, his voice sounding broken and tired, "I guess it's time to go back."

They walk to the van together in silence. It's tense and it's awkward and as they separate to return to their seats, Hoseok not even looking at him, the tips of his ears still red, Kihyun knows for a fact that this can't go on any longer. It's only when they've been driving again for an hour, and everyone's fallen back asleep, that Kihyun realizes that he's still wearing Hoseok's coat.

It's only a matter of time before everything will change.


End file.
